Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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