its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
