so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
