Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
