he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm getting married
To pizza
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
