I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
