Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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