Do you still have your period?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
