meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm at about main and main street
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
