his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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