you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cannot find my penis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
