So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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