woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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