You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
