your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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