He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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