new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
