I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
