she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
