I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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