I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
