U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
