I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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