spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
