Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
