I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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