dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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