Jerry, you need to find god
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
