so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
