Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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