By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
