The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My vagina is very pro this idea
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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