I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
