i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
