this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can I color on your dick again?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
