I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
