Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
