??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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