i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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