mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
