Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
