WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
