i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
