You really coming over, don't trick.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
