Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
