I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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