She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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