First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
