Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
