Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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