We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
