He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
